Warning: All Is Not As It Seems

This is the first time I've ever felt the need to say this, but the image that follows needs quite an explanation; the purpose and intent in its creation are not as they seem. The image could also be considered graphic. You have been warned.

This image is not about suicide. Not at all. While I might associate myself with the image of a dragon, this is not that dragon. My dragon has four limbs, and generally looks a lot different from this one. I'll get an image of her later.

This image was created out of anger, and out of emotions that had been kept squished inside of my mind for far too long (see my previous post). In fact, this dragon represents, in my mind, tyranny of one person in particular, the dragon being the traditional embodiment of evil. To those who know what my family's going through this week, this image makes a lot of sense, for tyranny is being forced backwards.

Without any further introduction, I present the image. Any other questions can be asked in the comments.

Anger

First off, sorry for not posting in a while; what little I've had to say was a bit more private than usual.

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Anger is a beautifully powerful emotion. It's primal, intense feeling, and it lends strength to the limbs like few other things do in life. It also terrifies me far beyond what could be considered normal.

I am afraid of my own anger. I'm afraid of how much I can feel, and I'm even more terrified of what I feel like doing when angry. I'm afraid of that rush of power, that feeling of wanting to pulp someone's head underneath my hands. I'm afraid of how good it feels. I'm afraid of what I could turn into if I tap into that power; I remember of being at the mercy of someone controlled by their wrath, and I have no want to ever experience that again for as long as I still walk on this planet.

That doesn't stop me from feeling this intense anger, though. I have moments when I feel like putting my fist through the wall, and some part of me, beneath my fear, really enjoys that feeling. I often wonder what would happen if I let myself be really angry without fear of bodily harm. I wonder how long it would be before I felt the pain.

The reason I bring this up is that I almost ran into Mom tonight at a hockey game. Upon seeing her, I fled without giving reason why. After that, I was so angry with myself for fleeing, for being prey for a predator that should have no control over my life anymore. I felt like putting my fist through the wall, or like tearing my room to pieces.

It is a terrible thing, in my opinion, to be afraid of one's own feelings. It sucks, to be afraid of feeling, for fear of the repercussions.