Letting Go

Sometimes you have to let go of what you love, let go of it and throw it to the wild winds.

Yesterday, I realized that I'm without a sailboat of my own due to a lie, a trick of the tongue. I really liked that boat, wanted to fix it up as good as new, wanted to sail it until it fell apart past repair. It was a beautiful 14-foot racing boat, a bit wide in the middle, but steered like a dream. I had named it 'Selkie'.
Unfortunately, it was housed at my mother's house. I was under the impression that it was my boat, due to my mother and stepfather telling me that it was mine, due to the fact that I was the one fixing it, maintaining it, and sailing it.
Yesterday, I went to get what was mine, and was told that it never was mine, that what I had been told was all lies and illusion.

Sometimes you have to let go of what you love, and just let it slide away from you into the distance, never to be seen again.

Long Time, No Posts!

Sorry about that, all of you! For those of you that have absolutely no idea what's going on in my life right now, I've decided to leave my mother's house. So far, everything's gone fairly well. Not as well as we had hoped, but not as badly as we'd feared.

I'll try to post more often in the next couple of days, and there will be some new pieces of writing for you all to read.

Mom's Back....

All of this weekend, my stepdad was in Boston for a Morris dancing thing. Last night he came home at 9:30 pm to a house that smelled like rice pudding. All seemed well. Mom was relaxed, I had rice pudding and new comics. Nothing seemed wrong.

Fast forward an hour to 10:30 pm, where I am almost asleep. Suddenly, Mom's screaming split the quiet of the house. For the next 15-20 minutes, she's screaming the same thing, almost incoherently, while pacing up and down the house. She was screaming about how she didn't feel human, and that my stepdad didn't listen to her. Eventually, she quieted down, and I managed to sleep.

For those of you not familiar with my mother, these kinds of episodes are, unfortunately, all too common. They range from stuff like this to throwing dangerous objects like frying pans and pots of boiling water. She will even do this outside of the home, like she did at a hockey parent-coach night where she yelled at the board of directors about something completely irrelevant. This is the crap that makes me want to leave her house. Permanently.

On a positive note, she's getting over of technological stalkers enough to consider buying me..... a netbook! *cue the crickets here* Yes, really. She's actually deciding that I'm old enough for her to consider letting me have more technological responsibility in my life, and that I won't get eaten by stalkers who will pull me through the computer screen. Notice that she's deciding this now. Never mind the fact that I've been saying this for, oh, a few years now! Even now, I'm typing this on a computer that she limits the time on. Yep.

Ah, Mom.

Not Cthulhu, But Close Enough

"Untitled"

Today, today is a green-grey
Day, rare in its own regard.
Today, ah yes, today,
The stars are almost right.

The time has come, some
Walrus said, and how he spoke the
Truth. Dictators fall 'round the world,
And one trembles here, at home.

The stars are almost right again,
And things long hidden will
Live. Courage strides across the mind, while
Freedom flickers bright.

The stars are almost right again,
The stars are almost right.

The Stars Are Almost Right...

Alright, how many of you were expecting a Cthulhu-related post? Be honest.... Much better.

In reality, the topic on my mind at the moment has been splitting away from my mother. This theme has been running through my mind for a while, but it has been reaching a new intensity over the past few days. I can see it, clearer than day, and it seems like an eventuality to me instead of just a dream like it had been before.

In months and years past, I was too terrified to even think about this as a close possibility. Now, I am alive with the excitement of what could happen if I get the courage to open my mouth at the right time..... It could be beautiful, like fireworks or a volcanic eruption, or it could be easier, like water breaching a weak wall.

___

On another note (literally), NYSSMA is coming up fast. In two and a half weeks, I will be preforming in front of a judge in three different disciplines. I will again be playing a French Horn solo, and it will be joined by a woodwind quintet piece and a vocal solo! I feel prepared for all of these things, and for the first time, I am not nervous entering crunch time for NYSSMA. It's a nice feeling, to be sure.

___

"Somewhere"

Out there, deep within the ominous

Purple of the gathering storm, a

Child cries for help, grasping with both hands at

Something that has abandoned them

Forever.

Past the windswept slopes of snowcapped

Mountains, a white rabbit lies torn, red

Lifeblood dripping on the thick

Snow.

Under the waves of a stormy

Sea, a creature is torn, body

Drifting in currents it no longer

Commands.

Somewhere, life is changed irreparably.

Somewhere, a life such as mine is considered

Calm.