Friday, May 6, 2011

I realized a few things about myself this week, and what a week it has been.

Last night, it was that I felt that I had been going through life as a complete and total fraud. I seem to be drifting through life, absorbing everything without really knowing why. Owing to this odd little thing, I feel like I'm not really qualified to stand up there, with my voice ringing out above my classmate's heads, speaking of things unusual for someone of my age. I've had this feeling for a while now, in school and in other places. It made me question what other worries I might have, squirreled away in the twisted tunnels of my subconscious.

It cannot be avoided any longer. I can't keep hiding the truth. I'm, well...... *insert awkward pause here* a fangirl. There. I said it. Are you all happy now? Oh, stop clapping.
I know that plenty of you probably have figured this out for some of the more obvious things, like Wolverine and Cthulhu. But who, out of all of you, would have expected my growing fangirlishness over the same character I drew and put in the last post? I didn't, but here I am, looking on Amazon for comics.

Like I said earlier, this was a long and interesting week, full of completely unexpected little things. This is your newly-discovered fangirl, signing off.


  1. So what sort of unexpected things happened? Tell us more. And who is this Nny character? Give us the lowdown? Show us some links?

  2. 1) I had a genuinely good day on Monday.
    2) The drawings I drew actually looked like something, and not a jumble of disturbed scribbles.
    3) Overall, I actually had a good week, highly unusual for me.

    How best to describe Johnny... The best way I can put this concisely at my current level of knowledge is to say that he's an insane thrill-killer who has been possessed by something. I can come back to you once I know more, as I just don't have that kind of character knowledge, and like the issue I talked about in the first paragraph, I already feel kind of like a fraud for posting about him anyway.

  3. Strange that you should feel you are a fraud for speaking of things unusual "at your age"
    I don't believe age is a limiting factor. It's the individual mind that matters.
    Let me relate a personal experiece from my grade school experience. When I was very young, I read at a considerable level above my "age group". One day in primary schoo, we were assigned a "work sheet" on which we were asked to fill in blanks with words that would create a logical story. As I had recently read something on my own which featured a "pack rat", who stole glittery objects--but with a difference: The protagonist rat always left an object in trade. The sentence on the work sheet read, "Johnny had had a quarter in his pocket, but when he reached in to get the quarter it was gone. There was a _____ in his pocket." I wrote "jacknife". The teacher ridiculed me. I decided then and there, not to buck the system. I stopped the creative solutions to problems for a long time, thereafter. In high school, I finally had a great English teacher who encouraged me to explore beyond the mundane.
    My point is, do not be afraid of your mind and your talents, in order to conform to some one else's idea of who YOU are. If you consider yourself a "fraud" by another's definition, the lesser minds win, and that's not good for you or the world. Trust yourself, your intellect and your imagination. If my teacher had not turned me on to Shakespeare, I would never have written my "Three Songs from Shakespeare" triolgy which I consider one of my very best choral works, and which you have on a cd.
    I am entrhalled by your writing, and your references to Lovecraft's characters. Keep writing! Grandpa

  4. I should have added that you have a very rare and fine mind. Right now, you are in one of the most complicated periods of human life: The teenage years. Everyone either has, or will have had, passed through this very confusing stage of life. It is part of the price of being HUMAN. One of the things I love about you is that you do not belittle those who do not have your intelligence or your gifts. You seem to realize that not all have what you have.
    I make no claims to genius, but I have experienced some flashes of what it must be like to be one. I decided long ago to not let other people define who or what I am. You have many stresses in your life, which you do not deserve to have, and over which you have little control at your young age. You are a very gifted individual, in many areas. And, I suspect that that is part of the stress--everyone telling you that, and trying to force you to live up to their expectations. Ignore them. Do what you feel you want to do, but don't ignore or waste your gifts.

    A hard path to follow, I know.

    Meanwhile, continue to write, play music, read and enjoy this time in your life. And take time to just do NOTHING, sometimes.